One Liners - Textintouch

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'SMS Messages on 'One Liners' Category

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SMS Message posted by Admin

1.- "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy... "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy
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SMS Message posted by Admin

2.- *NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that i can get ... *NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for £1 ... No Strings attached ...but for a limited period ONLY! ...A bloody good deal!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

3.- A closed mouth gathers no feet... A closed mouth gathers no feet
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SMS Message posted by Admin

4.- A feature is a bug with seniority... A feature is a bug with seniority
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SMS Message posted by Admin

5.- A hangover is the wrath of grapes... A hangover is the wrath of grapes
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SMS Message posted by Admin

6.- A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex? His answer... A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

7.- A waist is a terrible thing to mind... A waist is a terrible thing to mind
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SMS Message posted by Admin

8.- Adults are just kids who owe money... Adults are just kids who owe money
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SMS Message posted by Admin

9.- All computers wait at the same speed... All computers wait at the same speed
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SMS Message posted by Admin

10.- All stressed out and no one to choke... All stressed out and no one to choke
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SMS Message posted by Admin

11.- Allow me to introduce my selves... Allow me to introduce my selves
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SMS Message posted by Admin

12.- Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.... Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

13.- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.... Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

14.- Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?... Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

15.- Anything not nailed down is a cat toy... Anything not nailed down is a cat toy
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SMS Message posted by Admin

16.- Bad sex is better then a good day in school.... Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

17.- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
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SMS Message posted by Admin

18.- Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.... Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

19.- BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy... BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy
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SMS Message posted by Admin

20.- Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"... Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick" Boss asks: "How sick are u?" Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"
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SMS Message posted by Admin

21.- Born free . . . Taxed to death... Born free . . . Taxed to death
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SMS Message posted by Admin

22.- Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.... Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

23.- Born Free........Taxed to Death.... Born Free........Taxed to Death.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

24.- Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE ... Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'
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SMS Message posted by Admin

25.- Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get ... Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'
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SMS Message posted by Admin

26.- Celibacy is not hereditary... Celibacy is not hereditary
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SMS Message posted by Admin

27.- Common sense isn't common... Common sense isn't common
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SMS Message posted by Admin

28.- Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.... Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

29.- Constipated people don't give a crap... Constipated people don't give a crap
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SMS Message posted by Admin

30.- Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?... Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

31.- Darling, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have direc... Darling, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

32.- Demons are a Ghouls best Friend... Demons are a Ghouls best Friend
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SMS Message posted by Admin

33.- Do not disturb. Already disturbed... Do not disturb. Already disturbed
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SMS Message posted by Admin

34.- Do pilots take crash-courses?... Do pilots take crash-courses?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

35.- Do witches run spell checkers?... Do witches run spell checkers?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

36.- Does killing time damage eternity?... Does killing time damage eternity?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

37.- Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too... Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...
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SMS Message posted by Admin

38.- Everyone is entitled to my opinion... Everyone is entitled to my opinion
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SMS Message posted by Admin

39.- Exceptions always outnumber rules... Exceptions always outnumber rules
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SMS Message posted by Admin

40.- Familiarity breeds children... Familiarity breeds children
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SMS Message posted by Admin

41.- First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the s... First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

42.- FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration compl... FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

43.- Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if... Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

44.- Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey... Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

45.- Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilario... Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

46.- Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving... Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving
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SMS Message posted by Admin

47.- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!... Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

48.- Have a nice day. . . somewhere else... Have a nice day. . . somewhere else
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SMS Message posted by Admin

49.- He who laughs last thinks slowest.... He who laughs last thinks slowest.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

50.- HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and go... HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

51.- Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speed... Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face - NO SEX!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

52.- Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wai... Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...
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SMS Message posted by Admin

53.- Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw... Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw
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SMS Message posted by Admin

54.- Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me ck, da clock... Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me ck, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

55.- How can there be self-help groups?... How can there be self-help groups?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

56.- How come night falls but day breaks?... How come night falls but day breaks?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

57.- How do I set the laser printer to stun?... How do I set the laser printer to stun?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

58.- How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it g... How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

59.- How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down... How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

60.- How do you get off a non-stop flight?... How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

61.- How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a ... How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

62.- How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, lov... How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

63.- Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.... Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

64.- I don't get even . . . . . I get odder... I don't get even . . . . . I get odder
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SMS Message posted by Admin

65.- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception prob... I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
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SMS Message posted by Admin

66.- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier... I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier
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SMS Message posted by Admin

67.- I don't work here. I'm a consultant... I don't work here. I'm a consultant
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SMS Message posted by Admin

68.- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!... I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

69.- I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results wer... I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

70.- I like feminists; I think they're cute... I like feminists; I think they're cute
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SMS Message posted by Admin

71.- I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I ... I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

72.- I may not be perfect, but I'm all I got... I may not be perfect, but I'm all I got
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SMS Message posted by Admin

73.- I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.... I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

74.- I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warm... I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

75.- I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had a... I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

76.- I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.... I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

77.- I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is s... I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

78.- I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind ... I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

79.- I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says CUTE... I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

80.- I'm as confused as a termite in a yo-yo... I'm as confused as a termite in a yo-yo
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SMS Message posted by Admin

81.- I'm not getting older...I'm getting bitter... I'm not getting older...I'm getting bitter
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SMS Message posted by Admin

82.- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert... I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert
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SMS Message posted by Admin

83.- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable... I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable
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SMS Message posted by Admin

84.- I've got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what say we ti... I've got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what say we tie up for the night?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

85.- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you... If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

86.- If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.... If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

87.- If it ain't broke, fix it until it is... If it ain't broke, fix it until it is
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SMS Message posted by Admin

88.- If it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert... If it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert
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SMS Message posted by Admin

89.- If it's too loud, you're too old... If it's too loud, you're too old
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SMS Message posted by Admin

90.- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practic... If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

91.- If we quit voting will they all go away?... If we quit voting will they all go away?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

92.- If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come ... If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
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SMS Message posted by Admin

93.- Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sid... Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

94.- In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So tha... In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

95.- Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.... Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

96.- Insanity is my only means of relaxation... Insanity is my only means of relaxation
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SMS Message posted by Admin

97.- INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)... INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)
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SMS Message posted by Admin

98.- Is it time for your medication or mine?... Is it time for your medication or mine?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

99.- Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???... Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
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SMS Message posted by Admin

100.- It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. W... It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

101.- It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to op... It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

102.- Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!... Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

103.- Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy i... Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

104.- Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and... Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

105.- Justice: A decision in your favor... Justice: A decision in your favor
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SMS Message posted by Admin

106.- Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.... Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

107.- Life is sexually transmitted... Life is sexually transmitted
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SMS Message posted by Admin

108.- Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play... Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

109.- Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual ar... Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

110.- Mind intentionally left blank...... Mind intentionally left blank...
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SMS Message posted by Admin

111.- My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she'... My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

112.- My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch... My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
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SMS Message posted by Admin

113.- Never miss a good chance to shut up... Never miss a good chance to shut up
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SMS Message posted by Admin

114.- No guts, no glory, no brain, same story... No guts, no glory, no brain, same story
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SMS Message posted by Admin

115.- Nope.....u still ugly!... Nope.....u still ugly!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

116.- Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.... Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

117.- Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me ba... Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

118.- Nothing succeeds like excess... Nothing succeeds like excess
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SMS Message posted by Admin

119.- On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the ... On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

120.- Out of Body. Back in Five Minutes... Out of Body. Back in Five Minutes
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SMS Message posted by Admin

121.- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

122.- Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSS... Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
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SMS Message posted by Admin

123.- Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't sp... Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

124.- Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost t... Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

125.- Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? ... Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

126.- Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? A... Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

127.- Relax, its only Ones and Zeros... Relax, its only Ones and Zeros
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SMS Message posted by Admin

128.- Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross th... Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

129.- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - ... Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

130.- Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all tha... Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that's between!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

131.- Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change... Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

132.- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.... Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

133.- Strip mining prevents forest fires... Strip mining prevents forest fires
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SMS Message posted by Admin

134.- The best things in life aren't things... The best things in life aren't things
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SMS Message posted by Admin

135.- The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate ope... The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

136.- The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and th... The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

137.- The older I get, the older old is... The older I get, the older old is
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SMS Message posted by Admin

138.- The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failu... The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

139.- There are no personal problems which cannot be solved throug... There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

140.- This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're to... This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you
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SMS Message posted by Admin

141.- Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person - Nothing? Soz, I gu... Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person - Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

142.- Today's subliminal message is . . .... Today's subliminal message is . . .
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SMS Message posted by Admin

143.- U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ... U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

144.- U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face... U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)
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SMS Message posted by Admin

145.- Umh, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?... Umh, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

146.- We do precision guesswork... We do precision guesswork
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SMS Message posted by Admin

147.- We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...se... We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found
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SMS Message posted by Admin

148.- What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywh... What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
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SMS Message posted by Admin

149.- What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they wa... What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

150.- What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, h... What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

151.- Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!... Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

152.- When all else fails manipulate the data... When all else fails manipulate the data
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153.- When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is ... When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....
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154.- When money talks, the criminal walks... When money talks, the criminal walks
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SMS Message posted by Admin

155.- Where there's a will, I want to be in it... Where there's a will, I want to be in it
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SMS Message posted by Admin

156.- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?... Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
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SMS Message posted by Admin

157.- Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already take... Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

158.- Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smar... Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.
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159.- Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.... Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

160.- You may be recognized soon. Hide.... You may be recognized soon. Hide.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

161.- You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid... You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

162.- Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom ... Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
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