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  'SMS Messages on 'General Jokes' Category  
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  SMS Message posted by Admin
 1.- 2 aerials meet on a roof - fell in love & got married. T cer...
 2 aerials meet on a roof - fell in love & got married. T ceremony was terrible, but T reception was brilliant!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 2.- 2 cows in a field. 1 cow says 'Hv U hrd about ths mad cow di...
 2 cows in a field. 1 cow says 'Hv U hrd about ths mad cow disease?' T oTr thinks & replies 'Yep but it doesn't affect us rabbits.'
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 3.- 2 men R fishing. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places h...
 2 men R fishing. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places his h@ on his chest. 2nd man says ''Th@'s nice. 1st man says 'It's T least I cn do. We wr married for 25 years.'
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 4.- A girl ph1d me T oTr day & said 'Come no over, Tre's nobody ...
 A girl ph1d me T oTr day & said 'Come no over, Tre's nobody home'. I went over. Nobody was home.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 5.- Abracadabra Nope, ur still ugly!...
 Abracadabra Nope, ur still ugly!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

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  SMS Message posted by Admin
 6.- blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde acr...
 blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get 2 the other side?' The other blonde yells back, 'U R on the other side!'
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 7.- Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now sea...
 Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm.... still searching.......no brains found
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 8.- Chelsea signed 2 players from Icel&. Ranieri said 'If Ty R n...
 Chelsea signed 2 players from Icel&. Ranieri said 'If Ty R no good he wll try Sainsburys.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 9.- Did U hear about T Dutch man with T infl@able shoes? He popp...
 Did U hear about T Dutch man with T infl@able shoes? He popped his clogs!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 10.- Drink until she's cute But stop before the wedding!...
 Drink until she's cute But stop before the wedding!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 11.- Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are caused by a...
 Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are caused by accidents...
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 12.- For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes...
 For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes. Good condition. £1,000 ONO. No longer needed, got married, T wife knows eVthing!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 13.- Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don...
 Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don't worry...I'm sure science Will come up With something To help you.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 14.- God made man and then rested, God made women and then no one...
 God made man and then rested, God made women and then no one rested
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 15.- Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The wait...
 Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter replies 'nothing special - we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die'.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 16.- Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nic...
 Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny well...Enough about ME! How about you?
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 17.- He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothin...
 He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it." She said: "You wear underpants, don't you?"
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 18.- Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now......
 Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now...Sorry I am leaving now, I can't find a brain
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 19.- How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round ro...
 How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 20.- How do you keep an idiot in suspense............?? Tell you ...
 How do you keep an idiot in suspense............?? Tell you later........
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 21.- How many letters are in the Alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET w...
 How many letters are in the Alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 22.- How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, ...
 How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 23.- Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r? It went down a country road &...
 Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r? It went down a country road & turned in2 a field.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 24.- Hw do U communic@e with a fish? Drop it a line....
 Hw do U communic@e with a fish? Drop it a line.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 25.- Hw do U kp an idiot amused? W@ch ths message until it goes a...
 Hw do U kp an idiot amused? W@ch ths message until it goes away!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 1   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 26.- Hw do U occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up!...
 Hw do U occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 27.- Hw does Bob Marley like his s&wiches? Wi jammin....
 Hw does Bob Marley like his s&wiches? Wi jammin.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 28.- I had a ploughman's lunch T oTr day. He wasn't V happy....
 I had a ploughman's lunch T oTr day. He wasn't V happy.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 29.- I used 2 like trac2rs......but now I'm an extrac2r fan....
 I used 2 like trac2rs......but now I'm an extrac2r fan.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 30.- I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my gr&f@her… not sc...
 I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my gr&f@her… not screaming in terror like his passengers!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 31.- I Want triplets you want twins....Lets get in bed and see wh...
 I Want triplets you want twins....Lets get in bed and see who wins
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 32.- I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...B...
 I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...But the postman told me to get out of the mailbox
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 33.- I went 2 by sum camouflage trousers T oTr day But I cdnt fin...
 I went 2 by sum camouflage trousers T oTr day But I cdnt find NE.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 34.- I'm an alien I've transformed in2 Ur ph1 & as U're reading t...
 I'm an alien I've transformed in2 Ur ph1 & as U're reading ths I'm having sex with Ur finger. I know U like it Bcoz I cn C U smiling!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 35.- Mary had a little lamb The doctor fainted!!!...
 Mary had a little lamb The doctor fainted!!!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 36.- Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No you can have turkey ...
 Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No you can have turkey like everyone else !
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 37.- My wife dresses 2 kill T only problem is th@ she cooks in T ...
 My wife dresses 2 kill T only problem is th@ she cooks in T same manner.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 38.- Spell hungry horse in 4 letters. M T G G....
 Spell hungry horse in 4 letters. M T G G.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 39.- T Japanese hv banned all animal movements after discovering ...
 T Japanese hv banned all animal movements after discovering droppings in T Bdding in 2kyo. Ty Blieve it could B a case of Fu2n Mouse.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 40.- T jogger who overslept found himself running...l@e....
 T jogger who overslept found himself running...l@e.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 41.- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, beca...
 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 42.- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains...Bec...
 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains...Because the average man can see better than he can think
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 43.- There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar...
 There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed! And of course adonkey to pay her bills!!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 44.- This turkey tastes like an old settee. Well, you asked for s...
 This turkey tastes like an old settee. Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 45.- Ths msg cn only B read by a SEXY person: Nothing? Sorry, I g...
 Ths msg cn only B read by a SEXY person: Nothing? Sorry, I guess UR just not SEXY… Hey! Dnt force it ugly, get lost!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 1   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 46.- Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl. D: 'I've bn artific...
 Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl. D: 'I've bn artificially insemin@ed.' M: 'I dnt Blieve U!' D: 'Straight up, no bull!'
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 47.- Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign...
 Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign that read, "Disney Land left" So they turned round and went home.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 48.- We had grandma for Christmas dinner? Really, we had turkey!...
 We had grandma for Christmas dinner? Really, we had turkey!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 49.- What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Chris...
 What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake? Tarzipan!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 50.- What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they wa...
 What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok you 2, don't start anything.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 51.- What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season? Go...
 What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season? Go to the movies and sit in front of you
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 52.- What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1987 world h...
 What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1987 world hide and seek champion
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 53.- What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards? ABC...
 What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards? ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L !!)
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 54.- What's the difference between Bigfoot and intelligent men? B...
 What's the difference between Bigfoot and intelligent men? Big foot has been spotted a few times
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 55.- What's the difference between men and women? A woman wants o...
 What's the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need; a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 56.- When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when...
 When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its £3.95 per minute!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 57.- Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always s...
 Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed !
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 58.- Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet? I find U V @tractive....
 Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet? I find U V @tractive.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 59.- Wht do elephants hv for dinner?An hour, just like T rest of ...
 Wht do elephants hv for dinner?An hour, just like T rest of T animals.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 60.- Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets? Underlay! Underlay!...
 Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets? Underlay! Underlay!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 61.- Wht do U cll a dog with no legs? It doesn't m@ter wot U cll ...
 Wht do U cll a dog with no legs? It doesn't m@ter wot U cll him, he ain't gonna cum.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 62.- Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man? Trus2rthy....
 Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man? Trus2rthy.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 63.- Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun? A trifle....
 Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun? A trifle.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 64.- Wht do U cll a vicar on a mo2r bike? Rev....
 Wht do U cll a vicar on a mo2r bike? Rev.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 65.- Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang? A bad smel...
 Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang? A bad smell U cnt get rid of.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 66.- Wht's T fastest cake in T world? Sc1....
 Wht's T fastest cake in T world? Sc1.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 67.- Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy? 2 moTrs-in-law....
 Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy? 2 moTrs-in-law.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 68.- Why can't men get Mad Cow's Disease? Because they are pigs...
 Why can't men get Mad Cow's Disease? Because they are pigs
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 69.- Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? She didn't ...
 Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 70.- Why did they call it PMS? Mad cow disease was already taken!...
 Why did they call it PMS? Mad cow disease was already taken!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 71.- Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? I...
 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? It's like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 72.- Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they al...
 Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went it would be hell
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 73.- Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums...
 Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 74.- Woman asks a barman 'Cn I hv a double entendre please?' so T...
 Woman asks a barman 'Cn I hv a double entendre please?' so T barman gave her 1.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 75.- Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U? Take T pin out...
 Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U? Take T pin out & throw it back.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 76.- Y did T cnnibal rush over 2 T cafeteria? He hrd children wr ...
 Y did T cnnibal rush over 2 T cafeteria? He hrd children wr half price.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 77.- Y did T farmer win a noBl prize? Bcoz he was out st&ing in h...
 Y did T farmer win a noBl prize? Bcoz he was out st&ing in his field!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 78.- Y did T jelly baby go 2 school? Bcoz it wanted 2 B a smarty....
 Y did T jelly baby go 2 school? Bcoz it wanted 2 B a smarty.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 79.- Y dnt c@s shv? Coz 80% prefer Whiskers!...
 Y dnt c@s shv? Coz 80% prefer Whiskers!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 80.- Y dnt lobsters shR? Bcoz Ty're shellfish....
 Y dnt lobsters shR? Bcoz Ty're shellfish.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 81.- Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners? So men cn underst& Tm....
 Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners? So men cn underst& Tm.
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

  SMS Message posted by Admin
 82.- Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I...
 Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...Hey, where on earth IS MY ROOF!
 Rate: 0 ,  Emailed: 0   

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