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SMS Message posted by Admin

1.- 2 aerials meet on a roof - fell in love & got married. T cer... 2 aerials meet on a roof - fell in love & got married. T ceremony was terrible, but T reception was brilliant!
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2.- 2 cows in a field. 1 cow says 'Hv U hrd about ths mad cow di... 2 cows in a field. 1 cow says 'Hv U hrd about ths mad cow disease?' T oTr thinks & replies 'Yep but it doesn't affect us rabbits.'
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3.- 2 men R fishing. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places h... 2 men R fishing. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places his h@ on his chest. 2nd man says ''Th@'s nice. 1st man says 'It's T least I cn do. We wr married for 25 years.'
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4.- A girl ph1d me T oTr day & said 'Come no over, Tre's nobody ... A girl ph1d me T oTr day & said 'Come no over, Tre's nobody home'. I went over. Nobody was home.
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5.- Abracadabra Nope, ur still ugly!... Abracadabra Nope, ur still ugly!
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6.- blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde acr... blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get 2 the other side?' The other blonde yells back, 'U R on the other side!'
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7.- Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now sea... Brain Search: Brain detector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm.... still searching.......no brains found
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8.- Chelsea signed 2 players from Icel&. Ranieri said 'If Ty R n... Chelsea signed 2 players from Icel&. Ranieri said 'If Ty R no good he wll try Sainsburys.
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9.- Did U hear about T Dutch man with T infl@able shoes? He popp... Did U hear about T Dutch man with T infl@able shoes? He popped his clogs!
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10.- Drink until she's cute But stop before the wedding!... Drink until she's cute But stop before the wedding!
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11.- Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are caused by a... Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are caused by accidents...
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12.- For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes... For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes. Good condition. £1,000 ONO. No longer needed, got married, T wife knows eVthing!
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13.- Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don... Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But don't worry...I'm sure science Will come up With something To help you.
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14.- God made man and then rested, God made women and then no one... God made man and then rested, God made women and then no one rested
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15.- Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The wait... Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter replies 'nothing special - we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die'.
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16.- Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nic... Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny well...Enough about ME! How about you?
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17.- He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothin... He said: "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it." She said: "You wear underpants, don't you?"
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18.- Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now...... Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now...Sorry I am leaving now, I can't find a brain
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19.- How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round ro... How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
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20.- How do you keep an idiot in suspense............?? Tell you ... How do you keep an idiot in suspense............?? Tell you later........
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21.- How many letters are in the Alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET w... How many letters are in the Alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
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22.- How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, ... How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer
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23.- Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r? It went down a country road &... Hv U hrd about T magic trac2r? It went down a country road & turned in2 a field.
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24.- Hw do U communic@e with a fish? Drop it a line.... Hw do U communic@e with a fish? Drop it a line.
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25.- Hw do U kp an idiot amused? W@ch ths message until it goes a... Hw do U kp an idiot amused? W@ch ths message until it goes away!
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26.- Hw do U occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up!... Hw do U occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up!
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27.- Hw does Bob Marley like his s&wiches? Wi jammin.... Hw does Bob Marley like his s&wiches? Wi jammin.
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28.- I had a ploughman's lunch T oTr day. He wasn't V happy.... I had a ploughman's lunch T oTr day. He wasn't V happy.
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29.- I used 2 like trac2rs......but now I'm an extrac2r fan.... I used 2 like trac2rs......but now I'm an extrac2r fan.
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30.- I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my gr&f@her… not sc... I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my gr&f@her… not screaming in terror like his passengers!
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31.- I Want triplets you want twins....Lets get in bed and see wh... I Want triplets you want twins....Lets get in bed and see who wins
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32.- I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...B... I wanted to send you something that would make you smile...But the postman told me to get out of the mailbox
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33.- I went 2 by sum camouflage trousers T oTr day But I cdnt fin... I went 2 by sum camouflage trousers T oTr day But I cdnt find NE.
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34.- I'm an alien I've transformed in2 Ur ph1 & as U're reading t... I'm an alien I've transformed in2 Ur ph1 & as U're reading ths I'm having sex with Ur finger. I know U like it Bcoz I cn C U smiling!
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35.- Mary had a little lamb The doctor fainted!!!... Mary had a little lamb The doctor fainted!!!
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36.- Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No you can have turkey ... Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No you can have turkey like everyone else !
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37.- My wife dresses 2 kill T only problem is th@ she cooks in T ... My wife dresses 2 kill T only problem is th@ she cooks in T same manner.
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38.- Spell hungry horse in 4 letters. M T G G.... Spell hungry horse in 4 letters. M T G G.
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39.- T Japanese hv banned all animal movements after discovering ... T Japanese hv banned all animal movements after discovering droppings in T Bdding in 2kyo. Ty Blieve it could B a case of Fu2n Mouse.
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40.- T jogger who overslept found himself running...l@e.... T jogger who overslept found himself running...l@e.
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41.- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, beca... The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
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42.- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains...Bec... The average woman would rather have beauty than brains...Because the average man can see better than he can think
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43.- There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar... There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed! And of course adonkey to pay her bills!!
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44.- This turkey tastes like an old settee. Well, you asked for s... This turkey tastes like an old settee. Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.
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45.- Ths msg cn only B read by a SEXY person: Nothing? Sorry, I g... Ths msg cn only B read by a SEXY person: Nothing? Sorry, I guess UR just not SEXY… Hey! Dnt force it ugly, get lost!
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46.- Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl. D: 'I've bn artific... Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl. D: 'I've bn artificially insemin@ed.' M: 'I dnt Blieve U!' D: 'Straight up, no bull!'
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47.- Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign... Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign that read, "Disney Land left" So they turned round and went home.
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48.- We had grandma for Christmas dinner? Really, we had turkey!... We had grandma for Christmas dinner? Really, we had turkey!
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49.- What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Chris... What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake? Tarzipan!
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50.- What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they wa... What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok you 2, don't start anything.
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51.- What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season? Go... What do 7'tall basketball players do in their off season? Go to the movies and sit in front of you
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52.- What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1987 world h... What do u call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1987 world hide and seek champion
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53.- What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards? ABC... What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards? ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L !!)
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54.- What's the difference between Bigfoot and intelligent men? B... What's the difference between Bigfoot and intelligent men? Big foot has been spotted a few times
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55.- What's the difference between men and women? A woman wants o... What's the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need; a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
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56.- When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when... When a man talks dirty 2 a women, its sexual harassment when a women talks dirty 2 a man, its £3.95 per minute!
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57.- Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always s... Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed !
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58.- Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet? I find U V @tractive.... Wht did 1 magnet say 2 T oTr magnet? I find U V @tractive.
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59.- Wht do elephants hv for dinner?An hour, just like T rest of ... Wht do elephants hv for dinner?An hour, just like T rest of T animals.
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60.- Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets? Underlay! Underlay!... Wht do Mexicns hv under Tir carpets? Underlay! Underlay!
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61.- Wht do U cll a dog with no legs? It doesn't m@ter wot U cll ... Wht do U cll a dog with no legs? It doesn't m@ter wot U cll him, he ain't gonna cum.
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62.- Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man? Trus2rthy.... Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man? Trus2rthy.
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63.- Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun? A trifle.... Wht do U cll a triple barrel shotgun? A trifle.
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64.- Wht do U cll a vicar on a mo2r bike? Rev.... Wht do U cll a vicar on a mo2r bike? Rev.
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65.- Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang? A bad smel... Wht do U get if U cross a skunk with a boomerang? A bad smell U cnt get rid of.
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66.- Wht's T fastest cake in T world? Sc1.... Wht's T fastest cake in T world? Sc1.
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67.- Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy? 2 moTrs-in-law.... Wht's T maximum penalty of bigamy? 2 moTrs-in-law.
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68.- Why can't men get Mad Cow's Disease? Because they are pigs... Why can't men get Mad Cow's Disease? Because they are pigs
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69.- Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? She didn't ... Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!
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70.- Why did they call it PMS? Mad cow disease was already taken!... Why did they call it PMS? Mad cow disease was already taken!
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71.- Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? I... Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? It's like when dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
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72.- Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they al... Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went it would be hell
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73.- Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums... Why don't blondes talk whilst having sex? Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!
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74.- Woman asks a barman 'Cn I hv a double entendre please?' so T... Woman asks a barman 'Cn I hv a double entendre please?' so T barman gave her 1.
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75.- Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U? Take T pin out... Wot do U do if a blonde throws a grenade @ U? Take T pin out & throw it back.
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76.- Y did T cnnibal rush over 2 T cafeteria? He hrd children wr ... Y did T cnnibal rush over 2 T cafeteria? He hrd children wr half price.
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77.- Y did T farmer win a noBl prize? Bcoz he was out st&ing in h... Y did T farmer win a noBl prize? Bcoz he was out st&ing in his field!
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78.- Y did T jelly baby go 2 school? Bcoz it wanted 2 B a smarty.... Y did T jelly baby go 2 school? Bcoz it wanted 2 B a smarty.
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79.- Y dnt c@s shv? Coz 80% prefer Whiskers!... Y dnt c@s shv? Coz 80% prefer Whiskers!
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80.- Y dnt lobsters shR? Bcoz Ty're shellfish.... Y dnt lobsters shR? Bcoz Ty're shellfish.
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81.- Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners? So men cn underst& Tm.... Y R dumb blonde jokes all 1-liners? So men cn underst& Tm.
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82.- Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I... Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...Hey, where on earth IS MY ROOF!
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