Funny Phrases - Textintouch

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'SMS Messages on 'Funny Phrases' Category

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SMS Message posted by Admin

1.- This guy is all foam, no beer.... This guy is all foam, no beer.
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2.- Lights on, door open, nobody at home... Lights on, door open, nobody at home
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3.- As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.... As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

4.- He's as bent as a butchers hook... He's as bent as a butchers hook
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5.- He's as happy as a Pig in $hit... He's as happy as a Pig in $hit
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6.- About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box... About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box
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7.- About as subtle as a flying brick... About as subtle as a flying brick
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SMS Message posted by Admin

8.- She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum... She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum
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9.- She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of ... She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs
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10.- As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm... As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm
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SMS Message posted by Admin

11.- She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.... She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.
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12.- About as interesting as watching paint dry... About as interesting as watching paint dry
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SMS Message posted by Admin

13.- Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard... Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard
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SMS Message posted by Admin

14.- I've seen better hands on a clock... I've seen better hands on a clock
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SMS Message posted by Admin

15.- As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market... As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market
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SMS Message posted by Admin

16.- He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day... He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day
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17.- She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits... She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits
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18.- As nervous as a turkey at Christmas... As nervous as a turkey at Christmas
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SMS Message posted by Admin

19.- She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo... She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo
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20.- She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel... She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel
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21.- She's as fit as a butchers dog... She's as fit as a butchers dog
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SMS Message posted by Admin

22.- She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag... She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag
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SMS Message posted by Admin

23.- As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse... As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse
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SMS Message posted by Admin

24.- His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender... His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender
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25.- Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.... Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.
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26.- As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks... As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks
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27.- As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner... As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner
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28.- As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.... As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
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29.- About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.... About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.
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30.- A legend in his own mind...... A legend in his own mind...
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31.- He's an expert on padded cells.... He's an expert on padded cells.
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32.- He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!... He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

33.- As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competiti... As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition
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34.- She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head... She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head
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35.- She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner... She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner
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36.- About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.... About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.
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37.- He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewer... He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery
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38.- She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers... She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers
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SMS Message posted by Admin

39.- She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!... She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

40.- He's tighter than a photo finish.... He's tighter than a photo finish.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

41.- He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt... He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt
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SMS Message posted by Admin

42.- He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.... He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.
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43.- He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.... He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

44.- He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.... He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.
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45.- Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunte... Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

46.- As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat... As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat
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SMS Message posted by Admin

47.- It's colder than a penguin's bollocks... It's colder than a penguin's bollocks
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SMS Message posted by Admin

48.- She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging... She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging
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49.- You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit ... You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier
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50.- She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard... She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard
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51.- As rare as a Blonde virgin... As rare as a Blonde virgin
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SMS Message posted by Admin

52.- I've seen more hair on a billiard ball... I've seen more hair on a billiard ball
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53.- He's as camp as a row of tents... He's as camp as a row of tents
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54.- I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box... I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box
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55.- They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick ... They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up
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SMS Message posted by Admin

56.- As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium... As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium
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SMS Message posted by Admin

57.- You could park a bike on that bum... You could park a bike on that bum
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SMS Message posted by Admin

58.- He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank... He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank
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SMS Message posted by Admin

59.- He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure... He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure
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SMS Message posted by Admin

60.- Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers... Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers
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61.- About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber fiel... About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

62.- They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves usin... They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump
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