Blonde Jokes - Textintouch

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SMS Message posted by Admin

1.- 84. Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an ol... 84. Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde? A: Vaseline and Poligrip.
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2.- 85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: T... 85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

3.- 92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? ... 92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

4.- 99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn aroun... 99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

5.- A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm... A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
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SMS Message posted by Admin

6.- A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cu... A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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SMS Message posted by Admin

7.- At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", ... At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
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SMS Message posted by Admin

8.- Did you hear about the blond skydiver? She missed the Earth!... Did you hear about the blond skydiver? She missed the Earth!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

9.- Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get preg... Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant? She blew it both times!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

10.- Did you hear about the blonde At the bottom of the applicati... Did you hear about the blonde At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
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SMS Message posted by Admin

11.- Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen ... Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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SMS Message posted by Admin

12.- Did you hear about the blonde If she spoke her mind, she wou... Did you hear about the blonde If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
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13.- Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? She kept having affai... Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? She kept having affairs with men!
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SMS Message posted by Admin

14.- Did you hear about the blonde She put lipstick on her forehe... Did you hear about the blonde She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
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SMS Message posted by Admin

15.- Did you hear about the blonde She sent me a fax with a stamp... Did you hear about the blonde She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

16.- Did you hear about the blonde She thought a quarterback was ... Did you hear about the blonde She thought a quarterback was a refund.
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17.- Did you hear about the blonde She took a ruler to bed to see... Did you hear about the blonde She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
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SMS Message posted by Admin

18.- Did you hear about the blonde She tripped on the cordless ph... Did you hear about the blonde She tripped on the cordless phone
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SMS Message posted by Admin

19.- Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took ... Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
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SMS Message posted by Admin

20.- Did you hear about the blonde When she heard that 90% of all... Did you hear about the blonde When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
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SMS Message posted by Admin

21.- Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her... Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...
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SMS Message posted by Admin

22.- Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husba... Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

23.- How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of... How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Why does it work? "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
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SMS Message posted by Admin

24.- How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge? Lipstick... How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge? Lipstick on the cucumbers!
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25.- How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip... How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? : You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

26.- How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? Shine a flashlight ... How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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27.- How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun wor... How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
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28.- If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless... If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
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29.- If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get chang... If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
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30.- It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.... It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

31.- It's even more important to realise the big difference betwe... It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you...
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SMS Message posted by Admin

32.- It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing... It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...
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SMS Message posted by Admin

33.- It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door ne... It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle. She tried putting batteries in it.
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34.- It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond gir... It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.
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35.- It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's ... It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...
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36.- NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for thro... NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

37.- On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Her... On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
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38.- Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A : Shine a fla... Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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39.- Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A : Far-f... Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A : Far-from-thinking
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40.- Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A :... Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A : They're both empty from the neck up.
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41.- Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A : She slipped ... Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A : She slipped off and fell down the drain
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42.- Q : Why are blonde jokes so short? A : So men can remember t... Q : Why are blonde jokes so short? A : So men can remember them.
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43.- Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A : They keep brea... Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.
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44.- Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A ... Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"
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45.- Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A ... Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
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46.- Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much? A : Because they c... Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much? A : Because they can understand them
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SMS Message posted by Admin

47.- Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should... Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces. A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."
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SMS Message posted by Admin

48.- Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear? A: Got stuck in a hunt... Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear? A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

49.- Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to E... Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney? A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.
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SMS Message posted by Admin

50.- Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pr... Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant? A: She blew it both times.
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51.- Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her hu... Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.
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52.- Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology A:... Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology A: She'll blow your mind, too.
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53.- Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found... Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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SMS Message posted by Admin

54.- Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian? A: Well, s... Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian? A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.
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55.- Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory... Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's.
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56.- Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin? A: She hangs out ... Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin? A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
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57.- Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde? A: Th... Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde? A: There's a stamp on it.
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58.- Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your C... Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer? A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.
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59.- Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: Manages t... Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.
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60.- Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde? A: Blow... Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde? A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...
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61.- Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the... Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
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62.- Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fe... Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.
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63.- Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on ... Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on top of her.
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64.- Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: Threw it off ... Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: Threw it off a cliff.
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65.- Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: alone.... Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: alone.
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66.- Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born t... Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way.
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67.- Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane? A: Hide her Hair Dryer.... Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane? A: Hide her Hair Dryer.
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68.- Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees? A: Come.... Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees? A: Come.
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69.- Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day? A:... Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day? A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".
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70.- Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave ... Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.
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71.- Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you t... Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
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72.- Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Present her with... Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"
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73.- Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house? A: You no... Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house? A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"
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SMS Message posted by Admin

74.- Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate c...
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.